


a night without stars (is not what she deserves)

by DivineTragedy



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: F/M, Forgiveness, Getting Back Together, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:49:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26356765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DivineTragedy/pseuds/DivineTragedy
Summary: Eliza divorces Alexander after the Reynolds Phamplet. People say she must move on. But does she want to move on?Inspired by the song "the Winner takes take it all" from Mamma mia.
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler
Comments: 7
Kudos: 23





	a night without stars (is not what she deserves)

**Author's Note:**

> Italics are usually song lyrics. And in this au Eliza and Ham don't have kids. Enjoy!

_I was in your arms thinking I belonged there_

Her world shakes with the phamplet. It burns.  
How to best explain it? One day it was everything she ever wanted. Straight out of fairy tales. Love at first sight.

Then she watched her lovely dependable home crumble before her eyes and the whole world dance on the ruins.

She feels lost. Like the strings attached her to the world were cut off one by one. He...  
He was not supposed to do this. He was supposed to be here to hold her hand. Smile and say:

"Everything is going to be okay, Eliza. I am always by your side."

But he was not was he?  
  
Angelica and Peggy are holding her hands. She walks alone in the park now. Nights are cold without someone to hug now.

She left him. No! _He_ left _her_. She never wanted to leave him. But it was expected of her. The strong thing to do. They said she deserved better. She-

She didn't want to deserve better.

But Angelica is right she must move on.

_And someone way down here loses someone dear_

_That's her destiny_

***

Angelica takes her and Peggy on a night out. The bar is crowded with people chattering merrily. Flirting casually. Not a frown on any of their faces. It _burns._

 _The judges wild decide. Likes of me abide. Spectators of the show always staying low._   
  


***

Kyle is...  
Alright. He is kind. Sometimes even funny. He works in the PR department. He is very fond of hokey. She accompanied him to a match once. But it seems hokey wasn't much of her thing.

Because it so dear to her partner she tries to like and learn about it for his sake.

But it makes her so angry at the same time. Don't get her wrong there is nothing wrong with liking a sport. But it shouldn't be the only thing that makes your eyes shine with excitement!

It seem only hokey makes the dull Kyle burn with passion.

_He is simple and plain. Why should I complain?_

She know she judges too harshly.

She gives time. Maybe there is some complexity in his character. What if he is more than this? Maybe he is a book with no end? In which she will discover a new meaning every day. A warm book that will make her insides buzz. When she smells it, it will feel like _home_.

He is not.

***

She runs. Runs and runs. She feels the fresh air in her lungs. Alive.

The coast is huge.

And Blue is everywhere. In the sky in the sea even in the road.

Trees surround the other part of the road. Her legs feel tired. So she stops to rest in a park nearby. 

Then she seems _him._

He does not see her. He is sitting in a bench that looks at the trees.

There is bags under his eyes. His hair looks messy. It also seems he has not shaved in a while.

And he is crying. 

_Alexander_  
_Who takes care of you when I am gone?_

Her hand flies to the air. She wants to caress his face. She wants to make everything okay.

But she can't. It's too late.

_Somewhere deep inside you must know I miss you_

_But what can I say? Rules must be obeyed._

She turns her back she runs and runs and runs.

Tears flow freely.

Blue is everywhere.

***

She is at the mall with Jill. One of her coworkers. She knows it was mistake to come here with here.

"I admire you so much, Eliza! The way you pulled yourself up after that scandal. I barely stopped myself from cheering in your divorce hearing."

Jill throws a laugh after that. Eliza smiles awkwardly. Hoping she would get the cue.

"And look at yourself now. You have become a player. You have another one on your arm every week. Gosh, you are so strong."

"It is only the second boyfriend I have Jill not the tenth."

" I don't care girl! Chris is so hot. You go get it girl!"

If she wants to smash Jill's skull with a baseball bat it is no one's business.  
  


***

"Wait, you broke up with Chris because you didn't like his fashion sense?" Asked Angelica.

"No one should wear a beige crochet sweater everyday! And it is none of your business." Eliza stormed off.

Peggy gave a concerned look after her.

***

The Washingtons are throwing an event. Elizabeth Schuyler is of course invited. She knows someone is too.  
  
She hadn't talked to him since the divorce hearing. She knows its going to be awkward and painful. Why not make it more so? Of course her boyfriend Tom is also invited.

They go hand in hand. They sit with Angelica, Peggy and their partners.

Her eyes search for Alexander. He is taking a shot. Then a second. He looks-  
Terrible. Even worse than the last time she saw him.  
Like something inside him has died. Like someone has taken all his joy away. She is grateful Lafayette and Laurens are by his side.

She turns her head away. She can't bear to look anymore.

Tom points to a painting in the wall.

"This one's so cool." She nods half listening. 

It _burns_.

She doesn't want to feel this. She pulls Tom to her and locks her lips to his. They kiss until their breaths come short and have to pull away.

She doesn't feel anything.

When she opens her eyes. She finds Alexander looking at her with the most broken expression.

It is all too much. She excuses herself and flees to the balcony.

A night without stars. She feels how the sky consumes her.

Someone enters the balcony. Someone she used to know.

"Eliza.."

It's this moment she understands how much she has missed her name on his lips.

" I know I have said it before but I am sorry for everything." He is not looking at her. He is looking at the starless night.  
  
"I don't wanna talk about thing we have gone through. Although it's hurting me now it's history." She says

" I just want to apologise for before. I had no business looking at you like that. I didn't mean to guilt trip you or anything.

And I am happy you are moving on. Or I try to be." He gives a nervous laugh. He look so tense, no self-confidence.

"But I know you deserve that." Alexander continued. And here is that word again.

It hit her than. He is moving on.

_You have come to shake my hand._

***

Tom. Tom. Tom.

Tom smiles at her. But it lacks something she is not sure what.

Tom speaks of love. But Eliza doesn't think he understands.

He said to her yesterday:

"You are so lovely Eliza." She can't help but compare this to the dozens of love letters Alexander wrote her.  
  
It is his fault. He lied to her. Betrayed her. He took all her joy away. He took himself away.

Now because of his mistakes she can never feel the force of his affection ever again.

***

She is sitting with her sisters on Angelica's home. 

She is sewing. Peggy and Angelica are watching tv. It feels nice to just be.

Peggy's phone rings with a lousy pop song. Eliza rolles her eyes.

"Hello, Laf! Hey hey hey. Talk slowly I can't understand you." Peggy said in a nervous tone. And got up from the sofa. Angelica frowned.

"What? Oh my God. Is he okay? I am coming there." Peggy runs to the door.

Angelica and Eliza followed her quickly with panic. Angelica caught her by the arm.

"Did something happen?"

"Uh-- its- Alexander."

"What has happened to him? Peggy!" Eliza shouted.

"Laf said he has been in a car accident. But the doctor hasn't speak to them yet." Peggy started to cry.

Angelica looked shell shocked.

"This cannot be happening. This cannot be happening." Eliza muttered desperately to herself.  
  
_Not to her Hamilton._

"We must go to the hospital! Eliza, I would understand if you didn't want to come. " Angelica addressed her with fear and concern.

Eliza looked at her with shock. How could she ever-

"Are you out of your mind? That is my husband in the hospital. Of course I am coming!"

Ex-husband was the unvoiced word of the room. 

***

_Love_ _of mine someday you will die._

He is okay. He is okay. He is okay.

She could write this a thousand times and you wouldn't understand how much it meant her.

***

Broken bones.

"Are you trying to give me a heart attack Alexander? If so poison might be an easier option." Eliza sat at the corner of his hospital bed.

"Drunk driving? What were you thinking?" She got his face between her hands.

"I couldn't see the road, Eliza."

"I am pretty sure the night lamps were on."

"No, not like that." He laughs. He looks at loss for for word for a moment. Then words flow like bleeding wound. 

"It is always so dark now. Everywhere I go I feel like a wanderer. I hoped my eyes could get used to the darkness. They didn't.

And I thought I was so smart. But I have killed the sun which illuminated my life with my own hands."  
  
"How to best say this? You left and all the colors went with you. "

She looked at him with tear stricken eyes.

" I know i ruined everything. But my dear life I can't give up on you. I know you have moved on but tell me;

Does he kiss  
Like I used to kiss you?  
Does it feel the same  
When he calls your name?" He searched her eyes.

The world stops.

A path has appeared before her eyes. Her heart, mind and soul whisper in unison. It doesn't burn anymore.

"You know the answer is no. No one could love me like you do. And I could never love anyone like I do you." Eliza says.

She looked directly into his eyes. " I forgive you."

Alexander turned his face away with guilt.

"You shouldn't."

"It's not about what I should. It is about what I choose. And I forgive you."

They both began to cry.

"Betsey I missed you so much." Eliza jumps into his arms. As much as she can with his broken bones.

He feels safe. She feels safe. 

"Eliza could you give my bag?" Alexander pulls a ring out of the bag. Its his wedding ring.

" I always carry with me. Give me the pleasure of wearing it again. I don't want to live another day without being your husband and getting to call you my wife." 

Eliza reaches for her neck and pulls her necklace. It has her wedding ring in it. 

"You think I ever stopped wearing it?"

They kiss and it feels like coming home.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Who even seperated these two? They are miserable without each other. And also hopelessly romantic. I wrote this and i still can't believe they carry their wedding ring with them everywhere.
> 
> I Would be happy to read your comments.


End file.
